Holding onto Sunshine

how beautiful it is to live in a place such as this

where the sun just shines a little brighter

when you step outside

the cold air hits your lungs

almost like

you forgot how to breathe

but the landscape will teach you how again

I spent a night with a boy in the most innocent way

and

although I had a panic attack

he kept reassuring me I was okay

and I started to cry a little harder

because that was one of the things I

was most afraid of

 

how beautiful it is

feel the sun on your skin

and want to hold onto it

want to take the golden rays

and stick them in our pockets

for safe keeping

but thats the sad part isn’t it?

the fact that we would have to feel the need to

save the sunshine for later

when we have an endless array of it

but that’s why god created spring

 

I dyed my hair to become a different person

I’m blue now

and although

it wasn’t a dramatic change to the person I used to be

the key point here is

the operative word being change

I told myself that I was done

done with you

done with me

done being done

I wrote you

and although it wasn’t

everyday for a year

42 did seem like it

for 42 days I wrote you

because I was convinced

that dec 4th would be the last of you

and I had to learn how to be okay with that

I’m still not

but you have to commit to being gone

 

I have

 

I didn’t call you

to ask you back

I didn’t call you

to make you hurt

I didn’t call you

because I didn’t want to call you

I didn’t call you

because I love you

I called because we have to let things go

so lose my number

lose your love

lose yourself

in the sky

not your mind

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